Today, 27th December 2022, has been a rollercoaster of emotions. There’s been a lot of announcements, rumors, and news happening at the same time. Please excuse me if I get emotional or if I don’t make sense. This post is probably leaning more toward a personal history rather than an informative, objective post. However, I feel this is the place for it.
On that note, what I want to write about is Sexy Zone. If you’re curious about the group itself, let me know and I’ll write an introduction post about them! Until then, enjoy my personal feelings about them and today’s rollercoaster.
Table of Contents
First off, congratulations on your Instagram (@sexyzone_j)!
When STARTO first started Instagram with talents like SixTONES and Travis Japan, I wondered when Sexy Zone would be joining them. One member, Nakajima Kento has always been the type to update his blog in an Instagram-like manner (downright a copy-paste if I might say so, but a wonderful one). It led me to believe they would be next in line. Next time, I told myself. Next time. Group after group, they joined the others in their Instagram journeys, but Sexy Zone was nowhere to be found among them.
I figured that maybe they want to wait until they are five again. Just maybe. It didn’t make sense to me for them to start Instagram with just the four of them, while it was still unsure whether the remaining member would return. Seeing them as five again really warms my heart, and I am so happy I get to see them together like this.
I have no idea what I expect from their Instagram at this point, all I know is that I am incredibly happy that I get to live to see this happen.
Personally, I love the exclusivity that the Family Club and Family Club Web offer, and it’s one of the things I really love about being a STARTO fan. Their new online presence is refreshing. It makes me, an international fan, more seen. They’re not just miles away. They’re not just someone on the screen. They’re someone, albeit online.
Just as I am able to see them, they’re able to see me. This kind of mutual, silent understanding that we know each other exist is such a relief. At least it is to me. I am the kind of person who wants to be known. The kind of fan who wants to let my idols know I exist and that I love them. As I don’t live in Japan, the ways to show support are limited/not as accessible, compared to someone living in Japan. Therefore, Instagram will be a great way for me to show my support and show that I exist on the other side of the spinning Earth.
生まれた時代の中で
Change the World – Sexy Zone
光探してほら、あなたに出会えた
「君らしく」その言葉で 心の糸解けて
絡まった想いが クリアになった
(In this era where we were born
I looked for the light and I met you
“Be yourself” with this words the string in my heart is untied
My tangled mind has become clear)
My History
Through the years that Sexy Zone has been active, they have been going through highs and lows – both together and as separate talents. They’ve gone through their career as five, three/two, and four, and with uncertainty about whether they’d be a full group of five or not. They have been going on strong and have done so much, for themselves and for their group. Even when their future was uncertain as a group, we got a strong five-member comeback with “ぎゅっと” and also their album “XYZ=repainting“. This was my personal, real starting point with Sexy Zone as a group.
Nakajima Kento and Kikuchi Fuma had been on my radar ever since “Scrap Teacher” and B.I. Shadow. While I didn’t follow Sexy Zone closely when they had their debut (blame me for being salty over the fact B.I. Shadow had to break up), seeing them all grown up in 2017/2018 really re-sparked my interest.
Sexy Zone has been one of my favorite groups since then, after only following Hey! Say! JUMP closely (since 2007). Everything about Sexy Zone has me captivated. Their personalities, friendships, hardships, discography, concerts… to me, Sexy Zone is a group I always want to protect. I want to protect Sexy Zone – no matter how many they are.
They represent the hardships and challenges I’ve encountered in my own life and the friendships I’ve had and gained. Their discography never fails me, and they rarely release something I truly dislike. Their skills as individuals only make them stronger together.
Among their skills, I especially admire Fuma’s vocal skills, and he remains one of my all-time favorite singers and voices. If I could marry a voice, I would marry his (and him). His strong personality is really attractive to me too. The gap between his sexy, sultry side and his big brother, goofy side is amazing, and something I really can’t grasp how it can be the same person. On top of that, he’s gone naked on national TV more than once? How does one even do that? Yes, before anyone who knows me says anything, Fuma’s hands. Just. Yeah, his hands.
If I told you I was once a Kenty girl, some would probably not believe me, but back in B.I. Shadow, I was really into Kento. That attachment still lingers. I think he’s grown into someone splendid, and the coming drama “Concordia” will be more than just remarkable. He’s making a name for himself and reaching his dreams one by one.
As for the other members, I might have developed a “motherly” sense toward them, especially Marius and Matsushima Sou. Sato Shori ended up as the middle child between the SouMarius pair and FumaKento pair, and he’s someone who I respect a lot as an artist.
分からないままの僕ら
RUN – Sexy Zone
それでも何かを信じた
(We didn’t know but
we still believed in something)
The youngest members, Sou and Marius, can’t have had it easy through the years, Marius being only 11 when they had their debut. At first, I thought it was weird and crazy, and I assume that’s the first reaction for many people. This was why I also was a bit uncertain about them as a group around their debut years. This changed of course when I got into them.
Their journey must have been hard and struggling, and something I can’t even begin to understand. To me, they’re still young, and they have a lot to still learn and discover. Since they started so early with their careers and achieved a lot, but also struggled, I think it had an effect on me and my feelings. Whenever a member had to step back due to personal reasons, I always believed that they would get through it. They had been through a lot already, what was one more wall to face? It’s just another bump in the road.
Things were not that easy of course. When Sou announced his hiatus due to health reasons, I was devastated. I don’t think lightly of mental health or health in general, so I was naturally worried. Not knowing his status and whether he was doing better, or not, was painful. Of course, I understood it was not my place to know either. Nonetheless, I worried.
As a fan, I naturally worried about the group. What was going to become of Sexy Zone? After a while, I calmed down, and settled on believing in them. In the fact that they kept running. I wanted to run with them.
When I was on SONGS OF TOKYO for Sexy Zone, I talked about their song “RUN”, and how I think that it doesn’t mean “to run away” but “to run forward”. I still believe in those words. They have shown me countless times how to not give up, to not let yourself down, and get defeated. I will continue to run.
The members of Sexy Zone protect Sexy Zone dearly, each in their own way, and I wanted to do the same.
When Sou came back, words can’t explain the feelings I experienced. They were five again. Sexy Zone to me will always be five. They were back to being whole.
Then came the next shock. Marius’ hiatus. It was not long after Sou returned, so the announcement was shocking, to say the least. We were back to being four again. Nobody was at fault of course. Health before anything and Marius being so young also made me think the world is unfair. Unfair that someone so young has to face such hardships. It’s part of the job, I guess, but still unfair. It’s nothing I would wish upon anyone.
Sexy Zone was four again, for the time being.
感じているんだろう？ 感じてなきゃダメ
痛みに気づかないふりをするな
止まらないで 止まらないでよ 僕らはまだ始まったばかりさ
途切れないで 途切れないでよ このまま夜が明けてゆくまで
太陽はきっと きっと この闇を 照らすはずさ
昨日未満でも Yeah
明日以上へと
(You feel it, can’t you? You have to feel it
Don’t pretend you’re not in pain
Don’t stop now, don’t stop now, we’re only just getting started
Don’t pause now, don’t pause now, keep on going till night turns to dawn
The sun will light up the darkFrom the shadows of yesterday, yeah
RUN – Sexy Zone
To a brighter tomorrow)
Marius’ Departure
Today, 27th December, Sexy Zone also made an announcement on the Family Club site, stating that Marius will after 31st December, no longer be active as a member of Sexy Zone and depart from the office.
To me, it was both shocking and not shocking at the same time. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt by the news but ultimately, I support his decision. Deep down, I knew that the dream of Sexy Zone continuing as five would not come true. Even so, I clung to the hope. The slight hope that it might come true, that they would become whole again. I think the fact I had that hope is what hurts the most, and I am the only one to blame for that. I know that no matter how many they are, they will always be Sexy Zone.
It just hurts. It hurts down to my very core. Maybe I am too invested in idols, maybe I am too emotionally attached, who knows. This pain that I feel is not betrayal or disappointment. Perhaps it’s pain because I couldn’t do more as a fan, perhaps it’s pain because I can’t imagine how the members feel, or maybe it’s pain because I didn’t expect it to happen now. I thought we had more time but nothing lasts forever. Still, the show must go on.
Nothing could have prepared me for this. Nothing. There’s also nothing I can do right now but face my own feelings and emotions, and it’s why I am writing this post.
No matter what, things will hurt. Things will be painful. Things will be not okay. I will cry and laugh. I will be angry and happy. In time, I will be fine. I will be okay.
No matter how I feel or what I think, it doesn’t invalidate Marius’ decision. I fully support it.
we don’t have to understand
all this time – Marius Yo
we just only have to feel
there are thousand reasons why
we’re here
but none of them do matter.
Let’s not look into the past
and let’s not look what lays ahead
cuz we might only have today
and that is all we need
The days we have left with Marius before he graduates from Sexy Zone will be our treasure. These days, these memories. I will cling to them.
The years we shared together, how we grew together, and how we inspired each other. It’s all important and shall not be forgotten. Marius and Sexy Zone mean a lot to me. There are no words that can really explain the kind of attachment I have.
To anyone reading this, it’s okay to not be okay. There will be a day when you feel “okay” again.
To Marius, thank you. お疲れマリウス。
To Sexy Zone, これからも、いつまでも。
This is not the end of OUR NEW ERA. It’s the beginning. We’ll continue to run forward.
cuz when we grow up we will know
all this time – Marius Yo
that all this time we tried to climb
something so impossible
it’s no good for you
it’s no good for me
it doesn’t matter old or young
we’ve got the time to have some fun
so don’t you throw it all away
it’s no good for you
it’s no good for me
cuz we are all damn too good