There is something so incredible about finding a new idol to bias. The absolute burst of love and adoration is something that consumes my entire soul, and I find myself wanting to do nothing but yell into the void that is social media so everyone knows about the newest object of my affection. It is a loud, and possibly obnoxious, kind of love that cannot be contained within my heart, but I welcome it every time. At my core, STARTO idols are what keep me moving forward and living on a day to day basis.
But the newest addition to my list I’ve had quite a difficult time accepting. It’s not that they’re a bad idol or that I don’t find them talented. I adore them a lot, but it’s the switch after eight years of supporting my old favorite that has me conflicted with feelings of guilt and betrayal swimming through my thoughts.
Let me explain.
As I mentioned in my story time article detailing my history becoming a Hey! Say! JUMP and Hikaru Yaotome fan, I became a fan of STARTO ENTERTAINMENT idols in 2008 thanks to ARASHI, took a seven year break, and then came back only to fall in love with SUPER EIGHT in September of 2015. I quickly burned through their content and discography before watching an old episode of an ARASHI variety show in November 2015 that featured a newer debuted group, WEST. (known back then as Johnny’s WEST), promoting their single, Zundoko Paradise (ズンドコパラダイス).
I remember watching the episode and laughing throughout it. I thought WEST. were incredibly funny, and I had been utterly charmed by Ryusei Fujii’s talk portion before one of the games. The other members told a story of him where the interviewer had asked a question, and he had been so excited to answer he had forgotten he was drinking water and it had come pouring out of his mouth. As a fan of ARASHI’s Masaki Aiba and his airhead personality, I found Ryusei’s similar personality to tug at my heartstrings. He was perfect, and I wanted to be a fan of him.
There was just one problem: Ryusei was a few months younger than me, and that felt wrong. Up until this point, I had only biased idols who were at least a decade older than me, and I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to like idols who were a similar age to me. To make matters worse in my head, Ryusei wasn’t the youngest. There was a member who was 19 years old at the time, Kotaki Nozomu, that threw me even more. There was someone younger than me in WEST.? And the oldest, Junta Nakama, was nine years older than Kotaki? How could I like this group? The age range was so wide!
Although absolutely ridiculous in hindsight, I was going through a bit of mental turmoil over everyone’s ages. Up until this point, both groups I had liked had always been close in age (within five years), and it felt wrong to have a group be so spread out over a decade. At the same time, I was conflicted over liking an idol who was so close to my age.
But, as soon as it had begun, my turmoil was over. Something clicked within my head that it was okay to like someone who was the same age as me, and I scrambled to find as much WEST. content as I could find on the dark depths of the STARTO underground. I felt like the luckiest fan on the planet as I preordered their newest album, Lucky7, off of CDJapan, and I counted down the days until I could get my hands on it. I couldn’t believe I was getting new music so quickly!
I combed my way through WEST.’s previous discography and concert DVDs, luckily not too much given their almost newly debuted status, and watched all of their music video makings that I could find. I found what dramas I could, and I slowly fell in love with this crazy cast of Kansai characters. At the same time as I was falling more and more for Ryusei, there was another member that was catching my attention: Takahiro “Hama-chan” Hamada.
Hama-chan was utterly sweet, absolutely a laugh riot, and could do a backflip as if it was nothing. I remember watching one video where everyone kept complimenting him, stating if it wasn’t for him the group wouldn’t work so well together. It was so utterly sweet until something clicked in his head, and Hama-chan realized his group was trying to get him so emotional he cried on camera. It didn’t stop the group from loading on more compliments.
Liking Hama-chan felt so natural to me that there wasn’t a clear moment he snapped into a double bias spot with Ryusei. He simply took his position, and I had to watch two people when their single Gyakuten Winner (逆転Winner) came out as well as Jinsei wa Subarashii (人生は素晴らしい) was released. Eventually, over time, I slowly found myself calling myself just a Hama-chan fan and Ryusei slowly dropped in my rankings.
At this time, my love for Hey! Say! JUMP was picking up, and my attention for WEST. waned due to lack of new content. I also received news that I would be moving to Japan in 2017, and I made a promise to myself that I would only focus on one group during that time. I chose Hey! Say! JUMP and dedicated myself to being their fan and their fan only.
The funny thing about life is that it always has a way of coming back around and making you take back the decision that you make. In spring of 2018 a friend at the time invited me to join her in Miyagi to see timelesz’s (then called Sexy Zone) XYZ Repainting tour, with her. Though that experience is a story in and of itself, I found myself adoring the group. A few weeks later I went to see a Haikyuu stage play on my birthday and was also invited to be on a friend’s ballot to see SixTONES’ 2018 Summer Paradise concert.
This promise to myself to be only a Hey! Say! JUMP fan was crumbling, and a thought was slowly creeping into my head. Shouldn’t I try and see every group that interested me? If I had to go back home at the end of the year, would I live in regret that I hadn’t gotten to see my favorite idols in person? Or would I be fine living as a solo fan during my time in Japan?
It was around August of 2018 when a new stage play was announced for Hama-chan called Ichiba Saburo ~ Guam no Koi (市場三郎〜グアムの恋), that was a sequel of another play he had done, and I knew this was my chance. This was my moment to be able to see Hama-chan in person. I made an account, balloted for a ticket, and, when results were announced, I hadn’t hit. But I still had this crazy idea in my head that I couldn’t let got of, and I knew that I needed to see this play. I acquired a ticket and found myself at the Globe Theater that November.
To say this play was perfect would be an understatement. Though my Japanese wasn’t that good, I found myself laughing at every second. I remembered Hama-chan stripping down to a speedo to go swimming in the ocean for a scene, the romance that blossomed throughout the play, and the set up for a possible third play. I was absolutely hooked, and I wanted to see more of him as well as his entire group.
Luckily, I had already acquired tickets to see WEST. in their 2019 concert tour, WESTV!, and I couldn’t have been more excited. I had gone back and devoured the albums I had missed during my solo Hey! Say! JUMP years, Nawest (なうえすと) and WESTival. I fell in love with songs like Unlimited, Believer, and Baby Good!!!!. There were also unit songs like GOD DAMN, Yuki ni Negai wo (雪に願いを), and I got the FLOW that captured my attention on these two albums, that I found myself playing over and over again. I was kicking myself for being stubborn and not attending their concerts sooner. I could have seen WESTival so easily, too!
WESTV! was a surreal experience to attend. I had never been to a show where the fans sang before the concert started nor where the group stopped the concert to put on a skit during the show. Of course I knew WEST. had a penchant for doing skits, but it was another experience getting to see it live. After the show, I was craving more and more, and I knew that I wanted to go to their next tour and the one after that and the one after that. When W Trouble was announced, I grabbed a friend who liked the group, and we hit for tickets to their shows in May 2020. Due to Covid-19, those shows would eventually be canceled, and the upward trajectory of my WEST. love began to wane.
A lot of my history being a WEST. fan was similar to this. Something would happen, skyrocket my love to the stratosphere, but another idol group would take my attention that the upward rocket of love would lose fuel and come crashing back to earth. There were many times where I found myself thinking “This is the year I won’t renew my WEST. fan club” only for Hama-chan to come swooping in and remind me of how much I loved and adored him. One such instance was listening to their 2021 album on my way to work, and his English pronunciation in Rainbow Chaser made me cry and remember my love for him. How could I give him up?
It’s what led me to attending their next tour, Mixed Juice, in Pia Arena on my birthday and I hit for an incredible arena level seat right next to one of the walkways. I didn’t receive any fan service, but I did lock eyes with AmBitious members, who were backing the tour, and I remember locking eyes with Junta as well as Kotaki. I also had the chance to attend their first dome tour, To Be Kansai Color (飛べ関西から in Japanese) at the last show that August. I was so happy getting to see Hama-chan during both of those tours as well as Akito Kiriyama.
It’s important to note that I have a deep and utter love for Akito. I had always had a sweet spot for him since watching their debut stage play, Naniwa Samurai Hello TOKYO!! (なにわ侍 ハローTOKYO), and hearing him sing. I have his solo song during the show, Ippo (いっぽ) carved into my heart because his voice is utterly lovely in it. His singing power is something I aspire to sound like, and he is easily one of my top five singing voices in STARTO. His comedic scene with Hama-chan in that play is one of the reasons why I started to love Hama-chan so much.
At the same time, Akito had a habit of talking about how much he needed to go on a diet and lose weight that made me so sad to hear. I am inherently a bigger person, and I saw nothing wrong with the way that Akito looked. I truly would have fought a man if someone legitimately called him fat (and not in the teasing way the members would).
It’s important for me to say that, despite everything I just wrote, Akito was not bias level for me. He was more than the definition of a bias. He was someone I would drop everything to protect and fight for because, like Hama-chan, he was such a good soul in human form. I loved and adored this man, and he firmly sat in my number two ranking for as long as I can remember.
But, despite this deep and utter affection for so many of the group, my love for them took a hit in 2023. I had a friend who wanted to go and see them and, not wanting to go to any more shows alone, I offered to ballot for her, so we could attend the Yokohama portion of their 2023 tour, Power. I had a feeling I wouldn’t hit, for my account had given me tickets to Mixed Juice, To Be Kansai Color, and Hama-chan’s play, Touchou (盗聴) in 2022. When my results came back as a no hit, I wasn’t surprised. I was relieved.
For you see I had a bit of a twisted thought in my head. I am a big fan of a non-STARTO group called 7Order, and they had released a song in 2022 called Power. On top of Snow Man also having a song called POWEEEEER, I had this crazy thought in my head that WEST. was copying both groups. Of course this isn’t the case. I doubt they were even aware of either song, but I was trying to rationalize my expectation of not being able to see the Power tour. I took a step back from my love for them and resolved to not pay for my fan club in August.
…That was until I realized the next tour was going to be their tenth anniversary. I couldn’t give up right before their anniversary. That was the year the fan club sent out the tenth anniversary gift, and their tour would be full of nostalgic songs from early in their careers that I loved. I paid for my fan club in 2023, asked my friend if she would like to go with me for the arena tour, called AWARD, and we somehow hit. Though our tickets weren’t the greatest, we had an incredible time. I laughed so hard at Kotaki’s ridiculous humor before they sang Shirankedo (知らんけど). We received so much love from Daiki Shigeoka and Akito, and I received my first ever Hama-chan fan service as well as met a new friend after the show. I should have been ecstatic, but I wasn’t.
Sometime between the Power tour and AWARD, my love for Hama-chan had disappeared. I had joy watching him perform, but my gaze wasn’t glued to only him like my other biases. My friend walked out of the show, confirming herself as a Hama-chan bias, meanwhile I felt like I was masquerading and living a lie…well, perhaps not so dramatic, but I felt as if I was a Hama-chan fan in name only. Even when Hama-chan and Tomohiro Kamiyama were announced to be in a musical called The Producers that winter, I was more excited to see the musical than my bias.
Still, when the dome portion of AWARD was announced, I grabbed another friend who was interested in seeing them in. We both aimed to attend the last show, but, somehow, my account hit for my second choice, the Friday date. I was a bit stressed about running to Tokyo Dome after work, but it would be fine. I’d make it with plenty of time before the show started. It is also sad to admit, but, when AmBitious was revealed to be backing the tour, I was more excited to see member Taro Yoshikawa than the headlining group.
But something incredible happened at that dome concert. In my report about the dome show, I focused a lot more on the emotional aspect of the concert, but it was truly my biggest take away from the show. The years that I had spent in WEST. limbo felt as if it was over. The walls I had built over my heart were crumbling. I had cried over their debut song, danced and sang with them, and I had laughed so hard at Kotaki wanting to celebrate Akito’s birthday a day early and all of the teasing surrounding that moment on stage.
Though I hadn’t seen any of the members waving at me, my friend was fully convinced that I had gotten a few waves, but all I was sure of was locking eyes with Kotaki as I clutched onto my Taro uchiwa. I had thought it was strange, for it was the second time that had happened, but I thought nothing more of it. It was Kotaki, that’s all. I went to dinner with friends after the show, my love for Hama-chan seemingly renewed, and looking forward to his musical in November.
The next day started out like any other. I woke up, I caught up on YouTube videos from my favorite American creators, and scrolled social media. Around midday I noticed Akito posted a picture of the artwork from his early birthday celebration before noticing an Instagram story from Kotaki admitting that he drew the artwork…and my heart started to beat in an irregular pattern.
What…what was happening? I knew this feeling. I knew it well. It was the telltale sign of my heart finding a new bias to love. But this didn’t make any sense. I liked Hama-chan. I had just had my ex-best friend stand in the goods lines the day prior to buy his stuffed plushie. Why was Kotaki starting to have an effect on me out of nowhere? I pushed these feelings down in my chest and refused to think about them. If I didn’t think about them, then nothing would happen…right?
I spent all of Saturday ignoring him but, when I woke up on Sunday, I had to admit to myself that I was being bias wrecked. Kotaki was coming out of nowhere and had easily knocked Akito down to my number three spot in my member ranking, but I refused to let Kotaki climb any higher. I was a Hama-chan fan after all!
I had so many conversations with friends surrounding Kotaki that day, letting them know my confusion, how it was just a phase and would go away. I felt fine. I felt like my emotions would burn out in a couple of days, and things would go back to normal. It was only when a friend planted an idea of a sleepy Kotaki in my head that night that things changed.
It was like the proverbial dam broke, and my only thought was Kotaki. The only thing that existed was him. I had taken the next day off to go to the hospital to discuss an upcoming knee surgery, and the doctor booked an MRI for that day. I spent the entire thirty-five minutes thinking about him and his smile and wishing I could go and see him again. The following day I knew that I couldn’t exist without his plushie in my life and placed my order for it. The day after that I discovered there were still play guide tickets for his musical, Death Takes a Holiday, available and bought one. I was on a downward spiral, saving photo after photo of him.
What made it all worse is that I didn’t know what Kotaki had done to consume every thought of my waking day. Usually when I find a bias, there’s a trigger. There’s something that makes them stand out in my head and make me want to get to know who they are as idols more. Kotaki merely smiled, and I would melt on the inside. He would tease the other members of his group, and I would laugh and want to call him cute. He would merely exist, and I knew I would follow him to the ends of the earth. This wasn’t how things usually went!
There was another part of me that felt quite conflicted over this change. In my head, Kotaki was still this 19 year old kid that made funny jokes and was a lovable brat to the other members of the group. It was hard for me to process the fact that I had been a fan for so long that Kotaki was now an adult and had been spending all year celebrating his tenth anniversary. I couldn’t believe so much time had passed since I initially got to know them.
Even more than that, there was a part of me that felt as if I was betraying Hama-chan and felt guilty for the growing love I had for Kotaki. I had spent roughly eight years supporting Hama-chan in some capacity. I had loved and adored him, had renewed my fan club more times than I’m willing to admit because he reminded me of my love for him right before the deadline. Though I hadn’t spent those eight years as a dedicated fan focused entirely on him, there was so much history that I felt as if I was giving up. It felt as if I was relinquishing my love of him because of a fleeting chance, and I felt horrible.
At the same time, as I watched some of WEST.’s YouTube videos, I was able to recognize that, although I do love and adore Hama-chan, the way that I enjoyed him in those videos was different. He still made me smile, but I enjoyed watching Kotaki more. I enjoyed Kotaki’s louder personality more compared to the gentle way Hama-chan would exist in them. Of course Hama-chan would be loud and silly and ridiculous, the exact reasons why I fell for him so many years ago, it wasn’t the same. And it breaks my heart to think that I have changed so much as to follow someone else in his group.
It’s something that I still need to think about, process, and come to terms with. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter whether I support Hama-chan or Kotaki, but they are feelings I will come to terms with in time. Maybe not tomorrow or even next week, but I know one thing for certain: I will always treasure my time as a Hama-chan fan.
Despite all of these reservations of labeling myself as a Kotaki fan. Despite how conflicted I am over swapping biases after supporting a group for nine years, I honestly can’t deny it. This silly kid has stolen the top spot of my WEST. ranking, and I can confidently call myself a fan of him now. Perhaps I was always meant to be a fan of Kotaki? What I know for sure is that I became a fan of him at the right place at the right time.
Overtime, I truly believe this guilt I have in my heart will fade and become a distant memory. I look forward to building new memories as not only a fan of Kotaki but as a WEST. fan while treasuring the history that I have with this truly wonderful group.
Check out more WEST. here!
Official YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WEareWEST7/videos
STARTO ENTERTAINMENT Official Page: starto.jp/west
Official X Account: twitter.com/WEareWEST7
Official TikTok: tiktok.com/@wearewest7
Official Label Site: elov-label.jp